Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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