I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
