no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
