hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
