Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
