The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
