When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was born a porn star she said
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
