okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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