Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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