I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
