shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize