Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
of course. lets lasso hookers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
