She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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