Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize