I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
In America we eat man semen.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
