why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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