I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
