can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
