i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
