There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
