There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
