i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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