I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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