At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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