I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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