I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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