just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
