so that wasnt chicken after all
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
They have beer where we have blood.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
