Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
