Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
