I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
