Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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