she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize