I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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