You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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