Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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