he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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