I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
