I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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