How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
