I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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