so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
