Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
