Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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