white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
