the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
