i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
