If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
