She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
