ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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