mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
