it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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