we made out on top of his cat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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