youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
