she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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