"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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