I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Your cock deserves a montage
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
