some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
