new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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