dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
