Nicole vs. Life
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
