I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
