Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize