How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
